girls are weird. and on that note, guys are weird too. i took off the last couple of days from work.
(yes, this is working. it’s like a full time job)
but in the process of enjoying my “weekend off”, i managed to burn a large hole in my living room carpet. my accomplice to the burning gave me a beautiful wooden necklace which i plan on keeping with me at all times while on tour. because you know what? once i’ve traveled far away from the burnt carpet, i’ll need something to remind me of what sex can do to a person if they’re not careful.
on a more positive note, i’m still afraid to make that first phone call. in my mind, that first phone call solidifies everything. booking a tour is scary. but i’ll get the hang of it eventually and probably even start enjoying it (like everything else involved in this music making scheme of mine).
ok, so not a scheme. but whatever.
oh so i figured that my cute “manual map up on the wall” method was a little outdated for booking a tour. so i switched it over to google maps. apparently you can make custom maps with color coordinated pins and everything. google, you rule. i’m not taking the map down off my wall though. i like staring at it in disbelief. it’s almost like meditating (or procrastinating).
the black pins push so easily into the drywall.
despite the fact that black represent a place where i have no connections. a place where i want to play. black represents the hardest place to book a show.
i’m mapping out my tour. up on my wall, taped to the drywall, is a map of the eastern united states.
white, so difficult to push in, represents a booked show. red, the hardest to get in of them all for some reason, represents a location where i have a connection to try and book a show. an old friend, family, anything personal. i should of put up a cork board. and then black, pushing so easily into the drywall. black.
thirty pins later, fifty pins, feeling like a hundred. i’ve got a rough outline mapped out. who knows what it will lead to? i only have one white pin up. my fingers, aching. i should of put up a cork board.
today someone very close to me preordered 12 copies of my new album. i asked them what they really would do with 12 copies of the album as they handed me a crisp $100 bill. “i’ll give them out to my friends.”
he knew that i was having trouble raising the money needed to print my album. that’s probably the real reason why he preordered so many. he may of not realized the full effect of his actions though. sure the $100 will bring me that much closer towards the printing. but the money has nothing to do with it. i can raise the funds.
what his effort did was instill an unwavering confidence in me. if for any reason i falter in my path, it’s not just me i’m letting down anymore. it’s hard to put into words. i’m not even sure i understand it myself. but it’s there. and it will help me during some of the hardest times.
this was the first preorder for my upcoming album.
well, here it is. my online journal. do you really want to read my thoughts? you might want to think about this first before continuing on. if you do, i’ll be posting them here on a regular basis. while on tour, among other things, i’ll be keeping my brain in check via this virtual notebook.
i spent the last month working on this website. i’ve turned into a sort of do it yourself (diy) musician as of late. except that there’s a lot of things that i don’t know how to do. so making a website, for example, takes me a month instead of a week… because i aim too high & won’t settle for less (plus i pay myself lousy wages). ah to be your own boss.
it’s all going great though because i have complete control over all the different aspects of my music promotion, which is cool. but then i’m also scared shitless to be booking a tour across the united states on my own, which isn’t cool… even if it is only the eastern united states.
i find that just not thinking about it helps. kinda like plugging your nose when you’re eating something you’re afraid of. or diving into a pool of cold water; does tightly closing your eyes really makes a difference? it’s pretending to be fearless. haha. at least i have this neat new journal to strip down in and be totally honest. i think it’s natural to be a little scared. or at least i’m ok with being scared.